Several years ago I realized I had let my body dissolve into flab. I had worked so hard for so many years that I had abandoned the care of my physical condition. The first step to getting into shape was to realize I needed to change my ways, but the second and equally important step was to identify the obstacles to getting there. What would stop me from getting into shape? Once I understood those obstacles, I began a process to lose weight, grow muscle, and become more fit. Getting control of your money is the same way. You need to realize there’s a problem, but you must also see what could hinder your move toward financial fitness.

Look in the mirror. Take a long look. What do you see? Suck in that gut; hold up your chest, and really look at yourself. It doesn’t matter how many angles or poses you take, the mirror is cruel. “Well, I’m really not that fat, maybe just a little flabby.” My dad used to say that 90 percent of solving a problem is realizing there is one.

Focused intensity, life-or-death intensity, is required for you to reset your money-spending patterns, and one of your biggest obstacles is DENIAL. The sad thing is that you can be financially mediocre in this country, financially flabby, and still be average. And if the truth be known, being average, normal, and financially flabby is pretty much okay by most folks’ standards.

After one of my LIVE events, where I lay out the seven Baby Steps to win with money, a member of the audience, Sarah, told me that her Total Money Makeover came only after life placed a call to her. She said she had heard me quote the Wall Street Journal as reporting that 70 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, but she honestly thought she was in the 30 percent who were fine. She had finally struck a pose, and the pose was denial.

With two sons from her previous marriage, Sarah had just remarried and was happy and secure in her job, as was her husband, John. Their new life together seemed awesome. Their household combined income was about $75,000 per year, with the “normal” debts of a small student loan, a car loan, and “only” $5,000 on a credit card. With life under control and even going well, Sarah and John decided their new family needed a new home, so the builder was selected and construction began. Somewhere deep inside there may have been uneasiness, but it was very deep. Finally the day came when the new home was complete. Everything was going to be fine now, the new family in the new home, the way it is “supposed” to be.

In May, they moved into the new home, complete with big new payments. In September, Sarah’s boss asked to see her in his office. She was excelling at work and braced herself for a big “atta, girl,” followed by a nice bonus or raise. Instead the boss explained her job was being eliminated. “Downsizing, you know,” he said. Her life’s work was cut from her—and $45,000 of their $75,000 income—with the boss’ chilling words. Not only was her pride hurt and her career path cut short, a creeping terror grew deep down inside as she drove home to tell John. That night there were tears, fears, and the sudden stark realization that she and John were financially fat. Suddenly, Sarah and her family were facing foreclosure on the house and repossession of the car. The basics of life had become precious.
Sarah and John had listened to “The Dave Ramsey Show” on the radio, but they always thought someone else needed a Total Money Makeover. After all, they always held their stomachs in when standing in front of the mirror.

When you are physically fat, it is hard to be in denial, because there is the ever-widening belt line. When you are financially fat, however, you can fake it and look good for awhile. Your friends and family will participate in your fantasy/denial, which makes you believe you are doing just fine. One of the four major factors that keep people from winning in money by getting a Total Money Makeover is not realizing they need one. Sadly, some of the most dramatic makeovers I’ve seen have been by people who had life smack them so hard they got the denial knocked out of them, like Sarah. If life isn’t smacking you around at the moment, you are actually in greater danger than Sarah and John the night of the layoff. You are a real candidate for financial mediocrity or even a major crisis brought on by denial, and you have to see the need to make dramatic changes. If you are apathetic because everything seems “just fine,” then you will be unwilling to make the huge changes needed to get huge results.

Change is painful. Few people have the courage to seek out change. Most people won’t change until the pain where they are exceeds the pain of change. When it comes to money, we can be like the toddler in a soiled diaper. “I know it smells bad, but it’s warm and it’s mine.” Only when the rash comes will we cry out. I hope Sarah’s story will make you unwilling to stay where you are. If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results. You are where you are right now financially is a sum total of the decisions you’ve made to this point. If you like where you are, keep it up.

If not, break through the temptation to remain in the same situation, and opt for the pain of change before the pain of not changing searches you out. Don’t wait for a heart attack to show you that you are overweight. Cut the carbs, the fats, the sugar, and lace up the running shoes now.

The good news about Sarah and John was that their financial heart attack made them address their financial eating and exercise habits. The layoff was a wake-up call and the end to denial. After a year of very hard times, Sarah was able to find a whole new career. Only this time when the checks started rolling in, Sarah and John were using the Baby Steps. Every paycheck became an exciting event because they had a plan. They were financially losing weight and toning up. It wasn’t a quick process, but after following the steps over time, today they are really winning.